How to make Donald Trump jealous

I think Wes wrote the book on comb overs. Don't worry Trump, he has enough swoopage to go around, and I am sure if you ask really nicely he will show you his super slick comb over moves or maybe even share some of his hair.

Wes: 7 month snapshot

Sleep: Up until last week you had reached an all time low in the sleep department. I started roaming around the house looking like some sort of mangey zombie because you were waking up every 45 minutes at night. Desperate for a solution we did just the teeny tiniest bit of sleep training and let you try out falling asleep in your own crib by yourself. You shocked us by falling asleep all on your own and not even crying. It was as if the sleep fairy swooped down and bestowed you with the gift of sleep. You are now getting up once a night and you are quick to go back down. I am adjusting to a new life of sleep and while I still haven't caught up on my sleep deprivation I worry that once I regain all my energy I won't know what to do with myself. If you see me running through the neighborhood carrying both children you should stage an intervention and tell me to chill out. Your not swaddled anymore but you are still attempting to remove large sections of your face. And ears. Its like you have something against them. I know they are stuck on the side of your face and make brilliant handles but they are not yours to remove. They belong there.



Play: You still love your jumperoo and happily love your brother more. You love your stacking cups, books, paper and trying to eat paper. You would happily gum the page of every book in the house if I let you. You also like to bat at things. You have a mean right hook. I mean seriously you have rung my bell a couple of times. Nothing like an open hand slap from a 7 month old to wake you right up!



Eating: You eat your feet. We should really have a conversation about that because its pretty gross. Have you seen the stuff that gets lodged in between your toes? It can't taste better than a banana and you gag when you try and eat them. I feel tremendously under prepared to serve your current taste profile. Not sure where toes fall in terms of taste categories...Savory? Umami? Oy you have me stumped. Pretty sure if I plunked down some toes and a newspaper you would pass out from sheer joy but don't get too excited I don't have any plans to start rotating that into the meal plans. Come to think of it maybe you should find a hobo. Toe and newspaper soup sounds right up their alley. Things I have fished out of your mouth: Tissue, newspaper, hair. Its sort of like a lint trap.



I love you. I love that you are sleeping. I love the way you look at me when I go and get you from your crib. I love that you try and eat my face off at virtually ever chance you get. I love that you never give up. Ever. In fact you are pretty much trying to eat my face right now.

How to make English muffins

When I moved across the country I knew life would be different. I knew there would be more rain. I knew I would be staying home with my kids instead of working. I knew people wouldn't use the word "wicked." While I accepted these hard truths and solemnly swore to work the phrase, "wicked awesome," into my speech once a week, I could never have anticipated that I would face a carb crisis. No one ever told me that I wouldn't be able to find good English muffins for under $5. People on the left coast don't like English muffins you ask? I don't know but they are definitely not nearly as popular. Can you see the giant crocodile tear running dramatically down my cheek?

So when I saw this recipe on Pinterest I knew I had to try it! I tweaked some steps and the result was a delicious English muffin full of nooks and crannies. The only thing I will do differently next time is to use rings that are taller so my muffins don't ooze out of the top as much. I am also considering just canning the use of jar lids altogether. That's a little canning humor for you all. Yes I have completely gone off the deep end.

English muffins
(courtesy of Alton Brown)
yields 8-15 muffins

Ingredients

1/2 cup non-fat powdered milk
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon shortening
1 cup hot water
1 envelope dry yeast
1/8 teaspoon sugar
1/3 cup warm water
2 cups all-purpose flour, sifted
Non-stick vegetable spray

Special equipment: electric griddle, 3-inch metal rings, see Cook's Note*

Directions

In a bowl combine the powdered milk, 1 tablespoon of sugar, 1/2 teaspoon of salt, shortening, and hot water, stir until the sugar and salt are dissolved. Let cool. In a separate bowl combine the yeast and 1/8 teaspoon of sugar in 1/3 cup of warm water and rest until yeast has dissolved. Add this to the dry milk mixture. Add the sifted flour and beat thoroughly with wooden spoon. Cover the bowl and let it rest in a warm spot for 30 minutes.

Preheat the griddle to 300 degrees F.

Add the remaining 1/2 teaspoon of salt to mixture and beat thoroughly. Place metal rings onto the griddle and coat lightly with vegetable spray. Using a 1/4 cup measuring cup ladle the dough into each ring. Sprinkle the tops of each muffin with cornmeal. This will help prevent it from sticking to the cookie sheet. Cover the rings with a cookie sheet or pot lid that has been generously sprayed with nonstick cooking spray. Cook for 5 to 6 minutes. Remove the lid and flip rings using tongs. Cover with the lid and cook for another 5 to 6 minutes or until golden brown. Place on a cooling rack, remove rings and cool. Split with fork and serve.



*Cook's Note: Small tuna cans with tops and bottoms removed work well for metal rings. I will try this next time as I used mason jar lids and they didn't seem to work as well.

Also if anyone can tell me how to get both sides off of a tuna can without losing a finger you get a treat.

I don't want to brag but........

Jack is advanced. He is making excuses at least on par with most second graders. Its hard to not give into his excuses because some of them are clever, sweet and just funny when you get right down to it.

Me: "Jack come finish your lunch."
Jack: "I can't right now Mom I have to send a quick email."
Me: "Oh, well then by all means please continue I don't want to interrupt any cyber relationships you might have formed."

Me: "Jack can you come here and we will put on your shoes?"
Jack: "Ummm I have to go over here right now."
Me: "Really? Is that all you've got?"

Me: "Jack can you put this tissue in the trash?"
Jack: " I can't I have to give Wes eskimo kisses!"
Me: "Who am I to stand in the way of brotherly love"

Me: "Jack can you pick up your toys?"
Jack: "Mom I told you that I have to go to work."
Me: "Sweet can you pick me up some milk on your way home?"

And while this one technically isn't an excuse it cracked me up.

Jack: "Mom can I have a marshmallow? Mom, the answer is yes. The answer is yes."