My name is Lily and I have hair trauma

I have a weird relationship with my hair. I used to have really bad hair. I mean REALLY bad hair. It was short which made the hair in the back really straight and the hair in the front super curly. People often thought I was a guy. Are you a boy or a girl isn't really a question you want to field at any time in your life. I used to have a hair dresser who would wildly exclaim after cutting my hair, “don't be afraid to fluff it up!” I had a bad 80's mom 'do and I was only 13. I didn't really want big fluffy hair. I wanted normal hair. You know, hair you can just throw up in a pony tail and with no effort at all look chic and polished. So now, I am pretty attached to having longer hair, but my hair is just nuts. My children are straight up scared of my hair. If I wear my hair down Jack will usually say, “Mom put that hair away.” It's big, bushy and it gets everywhere. I pick long strands off of the baby's hands, find hair stuck to my sock, find balls of it in the dryer vents; its just epic. It's a hair-pocalypse, people. If you have hair like mine you know that the drain is your worst enemy. I am pretty sure that if a beaver found just two strands of my hair it would be so excited it would give its beaver buddies little beaver high fives. Just two strands of my hair and the dam would be complete. Air tight. Nothing would break through that bad Larry. Entire wigs could be fashioned out of the hair I pull from my drain. Gross? Totally. Because my hair endeavors to take over my house like creeping Ivy I perform a little drain maintenance every month to keep clogs at bay. I take some baking soda and pour it down all of my drains. I then chase it with vinegar and get excited because it bubbles up. Fizzy stuff is pretty awesome. If you have hair like mine you are going to want to use liberal amounts of both baking soda and vinegar. I let that hang out for awhile and then chase it with some really hot water. If its a shower or tub drain I will sometimes pour boiling water down if I am in the mood. Don't use the boiling water though if you have older pipes. Its bad. I don't know why, but it is. This little 7th grade science experiment, turned drain maintenance technique, has saved me a lot of work (and chemicals) over the last couple of years. It was my first thought when I asked myself what I had learned over the last 30 years.