Monday, October 24, 2011

Lesson #8: Kids ask a lot of questions

I read somewhere that the average 4 year old asks over 400 questions a day. My advanced scientific and mathematical skills have allowed me to extrapolate and compute that 3 year olds ask 700 questions a day. Mostly this happens because they ask you the same question a bare minimum of 4 times. Ok I'm lying. The same question is usually repeated about 20 times. If you're Jack you are an over achiever and need to out shine other 3 year olds so you ask 1401 questions a day. In my quest to determine why so many questions are asked I stumbled on a theory that makes so much sense it has to be right. Teachers and learning types will have you thinking kids ask questions because they are learning. It might be that. It might also be the under diagnosed early onset childhood Alzheimers. While I don't doubt my kiddo is expanding his horizons and amassing enough data and knowledge to find the final solution to world hunger, I think the answer is simpler. It's Santa Clause. Recent investigative efforts and specific research methods I can't reveal lead me to believe that 3 year olds are required to fulfill a daily question quota or Santa doesn't show. Any less than 100 questions and there is a chance Santa Clause passes your house. No reindeers prancing, no stockings stuffed, nada, zip, zilch-do not pass go do not collect $200. Once I discovered this I found I had way more patience when dealing with the endless barrage of questions I field on an average day.

Random sampling of average questions:
"Why you buttoning your pants?" (PS I was getting dressed?)
"Are you cranky? Are you not having a good day?" (PPS I just took a deep breath)
"What's that guy doing?" (PPPS "that guy" was driving a motorized grocery cart)

Let me add that if you are in public Jack is watching you. He is also giving you a play by play of your actions. The stranger your actions the louder his questions. "WHAT'S THIS GUY WEARING? WHY DOES THIS GUY SMELL TERRIBLE?" You know come to think of it maybe Jack is just saying and asking what we are all thinking. I mean seriously what is that guy wearing and why does he smell terrible? I suppose if you are looking for the truth just ask a 3 year old. They'll give it to you straight......... and then ask you 40 follow up questions.

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