Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Lesson #9: Surrender

Do you ever feel like the universe sometimes is whispering something to you? Ok yeah me neither but didn't that sound kind of cool? I bet you were thinking, "Wow, Lily is all in touch with stuff and deep and spiritual. Maybe she even does yoga." I don't. Unless of course you count the under appreciated mommy praying mantis yoga maneuver. You know, the one where you have to buckle two kids into car seats, and then, someone drops something under a seat that they have to have RIGHT NOW so you have to stand on one leg and sort of slither around the backseat with your left arm in the front seat and your right arm in the trunk of the car. "Now lift! And bend! And hyper extend!" Mommy yoga.

What I mean to say is that sometimes the same crap keeps happening over and over again in our lives and then in a complete stroke of genius you figure out WHY it keeps happening and suddenly your whole world makes sense again? Something almost clicks into place because you realize you keep re-enacting the same exact pattern over and over again but missing the life lesson. I like to think that from a spiritual perspective these lessons are vital to our very humanity. It's sort of like solving a really hard riddle. Never mind I stink at riddles. Seriously has anyone, anywhere in time, ever, successfully solved a riddle without cheating?

I just had my annual life lesson. My life lesson for the last two years has been identical. Did I learn from last years trials and tribulations? I am sure I did but clearly not enough because the universe needed me to get something...and fast! Last year while 7 months pregnant with Wes I was put on full bed rest. I can still remember the doctor telling me I wasn't going to like what she had to say. I can remember the snap of her gloves as she told me I was going to be in bed until I delivered Wes. It was a horrible feeling. I wasn't in control. I don't do well when I am not in control. Brian was still at Quantico training, Jack was just 2 and his height prevented him from being able to drive himself to and from daycare. Well that and the minor detail of his age, and well, I suppose, his general skill level behind the wheel. I had to rely on my family for everything. I had to surrender complete control. There were no other options if I wanted to do what I could to deliver a healthy baby. So I surrendered. I learned a lot. I learned that you can do a lot from your couch. I learned that the world doesn't fall apart when things don't go as planned. Perhaps more importantly I learned I am not really ever in control. I surrendered and realized that no man is an island. We all need help.

Last week I clearly needed a reminder. After a horrible 11 month appointment for Wes, after a terrible and awful reaction to his shots from said horrible appointment, and after what felt like the 900th day in a row of no sleep I kind of lost it. I surrendered to an overwhelming sadness and let myself cry. I let myself cry longer and harder than I had in many many months. And then I went to Trader Joes. You can find almost everything there. I realized the depth of my problem when I told a clerk I hadn't slept in 45 years which was a problem since I was only 30. I had become one of those bleary eyed mothers you see in Target as they sort of shuffle around the store, desperately trying to gather their wits and remember their shopping list while hisspering (hisspering=whispering but scary) vague threats at their children. "Oh yeah don't touch that thing or it will explode or something." They wear sweatpants and mismatched socks. Hobo moms. I had joined the hobo elite. I went home and for about the 50th time I declared I couldn't live through one more night of waking up every 45 minutes. Sure the other hobo moms are pretty cool to hang out with and all but I just didn't want to be a card carrying member and all.

The difference this time was that I completely surrendered and dropped the reigns. I handed them over fully and completely into the competent and caring hands of my husband. Poor man had been begging me to let him sort Wes and his sleep out for months, but, like the stoic and pig headed mother I can be at times, I wouldn't accept help because I didn't think it would work. I backed myself into a corner and convinced myself that I was the only one who could fix it. That was until I surrendered. Note to self: Surrender and accept help OR join pack of wild hobo moms.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

The English language according to Jack

Speaking correctly is boring, mundane even! Take Jack's easy 2 day course and learn how to speak using mysterious words, new words (ok, made up words) and keep your friends and family guessing about your cool new vocab. People understanding what you are saying is pretty over rated.

1: Wush= shut. I'm pretty sure that when Jack tells me to "wush" something he is much more content to imitate the noise the door makes when it closes rather than using the "proper term." Proper terms are for losers. No losers here!

2: ringbell=doorbell: I'm with Jack on this one. Ringbell is clearly the superior term for the doorbell. It rings. Its a bell. Ringbell. Case closed.

3: Duke Dock CHA!!! thing you scream to the cashier at Safeway to leave them feeling confused and disoriented. It works. It has an almost 100% efficacy rating. Need a distraction? Scream "duke dock CHA" and then throw your hands in the air and slowly circle your grocery cart all while keeping your shoulders hunched over. It's pretty much have a fool proof method for leaving your general public feeling weird and uncomfortable. It doesn't hurt to throw in a little 10 month old, "Wait, what? You have a poinsettia? Wait.....I can reach it from where I sit in my grocery cart? Wait it has dirt in it? Its base is wrapped in crinkly paper? ITS JUST SITTING HERE? WHY IS NO ONE TRYING TO EAT IT? Must destroy.....Must destroy. Cue arm flapping and wild wind milling arms, plant flying, dirt falling, leaves in said 10 month olds mouth and throw in a little wild screech and you have got yourself a grade A primo distraction. Duke dock CHA! Use it.

4: Schtum: Where's the Umlaut key when you need it? Schtum should totally have one. No one knows what it means but its an awesome word for just about everything. It also makes an excellent curse word substitute if the need arises. Drop a screw driver on your foot? Schtum! Stub your toe? Schtum it all to heck! Prove to someone that your right? Stick that in your Schtum and smoke it. P.S Jack might be German.

5: Woss=Wes: Further proof that Jack is German. Wes is never Wes. Wes is really Woss, as in, "Woss! Stop! I don't want to be touched right now!"

6: Pig back=piggy bank: Again I'm with Jack on this. You put the money in the pigs back so pig back makes just as much sense as piggy bank. Use it. Start a vocab revolution. I dare you.

If you sign up now for the 2 day course Jack will send you a personalized decoder ring. It's our valuable gift to you. Shipping and handling not included.

P.S I spell checked this post and my computer blew up