Friday, June 10, 2011

In my head I am a really good dancer.

In my head I am a really good dancer. I can tap dance, samba, do a little ballet and on really good days I can bust out a fierce Irish step dance. In real life I am movement challenged. I could trip and break an ankle just getting out of bed. In fact, I routinely walk into my bedroom wall on the way to the bathroom. Its just that things (IE: walls) kind of creep up on me. I would be lying if I told you that I haven't fallen into a couple of bushes in this lifetime. Once I was walking into work and the strap on my flip flop broke which of course sent me reeling into a large hedge. The hardest part wasn't the fall. It wasn't that someone had witnessed my fall, or that the only thing they could think to say was, "Oh wow...WOW," it was trying to get out of the bush. You can't really get out of a bush gracefully. People will tell you that you can do anything with grace, but they're full of it. Take for instance the time that I managed to tear my left quad putting away a monopoly game. Yes you heard that correctly. I just stooped to put the game away and BAM I was screaming, “man down.” I don't know that I can accurately capture the humiliation of being taken out of your living room on a stretcher because of a Monopoly injury, but friends, I have felt that shame. My dear husband insisted 911 was the only course of action to take. I still haven't forgiven 'Captain Safety.'

So I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that Jack has inherited my intense inability to coordinate limbs when in motion. Tonight Jack wanted to add some water to our backyard pond. We indulged him and let him monkey with the hose for a bit. I then told him it was time to put the hose away because the small pond was full. REALLY full. He didn't want to listen to what I had to say and started to jump up and down and screaming. Come to think of it, it sort of looked like Irish step dancing, only with a lot more yelling. Before you know it, Jack is butt first in the pond. I have never wanted to say, "see, I told you so," more in my life but I restrained myself and fished him out. Life lesson number 42: Do not jump, stomp, or even yell near any standing water. Sorry Jack, we're just not coordinated enough to pull it off. Trust me, I have been in a couple of bushes. I know these things.

Do you have something you wish your kids DIDN'T inherit from you?

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