I just purchased my child a robot hamster. Or gerbil. I don't know what it does, or why it will be fun, but Jack seemed pretty interested in it and, well, they were on clearance. That and his birthday is coming up. See how I can find an excuse to do anything? The pictures on the box lead me to believe that my goal in purchasing said robotic rodent is to to build some sort of hamster armed forces. I knew the house was missing something but I just couldn't put my finger on it. There is also a warning label on it that cautions me to avoid playing with it near my hair. Well there goes my whole Saturday night. I was going to let the Zhu Zhu pet style my hair. Damn.
This can only end in disaster. You see, the truth is, I don't really have good luck with warning labels. I find them completely ridiculous and tend to ignore them. I pretty emphatically believe that you just have to use common sense in life. Want to get cranked on some Vicodin and joy ride on a tractor while sipping a Robitussin cocktail? Go for it but don't come whining back to me when you lose a leg-it's just common sense. Here is the thing: Sometimes I lack common sense which is why maybe I should use the warning labels as a reboot to my common sense meter. Take for instance the time I managed to get my entire face stuck to the side of an ice cream maker. You see I was handling the inner metal core of the machine which had been frozen solid for a week. I rinsed my hands and without thinking picked it up. Wham! Both hands were locked solid on that puppy. Lacking the ability to operate the sink I immediately had the ingenious idea to spit on my hands to free them. Sadly this just resulted in getting my mouth stuck on the machine too. I wildly looked around for someone or something to help get my face off the ice cream maker. Ok, wow, that was never a sentence I thought I would type in my life. My poor mother, who was on the phone with someone in Japan for business, was the lucky winner and I asked her to get me unstuck.
Me: “uhn... UHNNNNNNN....I dam duck.....het deeeeeeee (that's help me when you have your face stuck to something. Write this down, you might need it someday if you find yourself translating for someone in a similar predicament)
Mom: On the phone: “Oh! Um can you hold on a second?”
“HAHAHA what the?”
Commence dousing with kitchen sink sprayer. Thank goodness for sink sprayers. This did the trick and I was freed. I should have read the warning label. I should have just used some darn common sense. Lesson learned! Or wait, have I really learned that lesson? I just bought myself a robotic hamster that has the capability to leave me with bald patches. Get that Zhu Zhu pet away from my hair kid, that is one warning label that I might just be paying attention to.